my feeling

what kind of human am i?

i think i am the kind of always hurt myself or make myself get hurt eh..

why am i say so? hmm..

just now after bath, i open his blog again,

this action is normal to me.. 

because that is what i always do.. 

but just now, i read again the whole passage that he wrote..

although is all about the girl, although it hurts me deeply,

but i choose to read all again.. 

am i crazy? that's why i said i am the kind of hurt myself eh..

sometimes although i know what i do will make myself get hurt,

but still want to do wor.. haiz..

sometimes some incident may hurt me, 

but i still find any ways just want to know about it..

i don't want to get hurt.. 

but on the other hand,

maybe i hope i will change mind after get hurt till max..

but seem useless too..

i have already get hurt till max but it can't change my mind..

they said i am a stubborn girl, maybe they are right, in some situation..

i never know that i can in love so fast to a guy without care about his weak point.

maybe can say, because i love him, so to me, he has no weak point..

i am thinking that maybe i will be very hard to in love with other guy already..

because i will feel that they are not as perfect as him..

horoscope mention that virgo is very picky eh..

i admit i am, but don't know why i unable to picky on him..

no matter how bad he is, i still will accept, 

maybe is because i am stubborn also, 

so i keep telling myself that i love him, 

and he is perfect to me.. 

just only him.. 

hmm.. love is this kind.. 

can tolerate no matter what.. 

although people say he is not so good, 

but i don't care..

but when got people say that i make him become worse,

i really feel very sad and keep thinking why they say so.. 

am i really change him become worse?

am i a bad girl?

but, love, is all about 2 people,

so why must care how other people say?

i read an story about one year ago, 

it's about a couple love each other deeply 

but because of other people say that they not match,

they break and cause the girl suicide.. 

after that they guy regret so much but it's too late..

it's true.. 

got 1 quote says that,

love is our matter,

how other people think is other people eh matter,

don't let other people eh matter affect our matter..

but how many people can really make it?

i am start doubting that does true love exists in this world?

i believe that true love exists in this world all the way long till the time that he left..

from the start, when never meet him, 

i believe true love between couple and forever,

and do not believe that friendship will last long..

after meet him, i strengthen what i believe.. 

i believe that only bf will stay with me forever..

but after he break with me, 

i change my mind,

i do not believe true love, do not believe couple will forever..

become believe friendship.. 

but i do not believe it for a long time..

after a short while, i do not believe in friendship too..

hmm.. well.. 

now seem that i do not believe everything...

myself? i not even believe in myself.. 

i need a lot of 安全感,

he is the only one success to let me feel it.. 

but he break it.. 

i feel lost...