hmm.. i had already about 2 weeks didn't msg him..
and him too..
although i still put hope that he will msg me,
but i just keep reminding myself, that won't happen already..
even he msg, he also msg to that girl.. impossible is me..
right? hmm..
Thailand is famous with elephants, isn't it? hmm...
today i kinda late reach school if compare to usual day..
and i am so surprise that CY today so early reach school,
although still late than me..wahahaha..
they perabot memang sibuk lo..
sentiasa bawa kerusi dari sini ke sana, dari sana ke sini..
eh why i write malay? i am writing english eh mah.. lol..
i walk out from class, and finding stars,
again, today whole sky full of clouds, hard to find even 1 star..
i saw 1 was shining.. but not sure is star or just satellite..
hmm.. whatever la.. as long as it makes me feel better..
today i went assembly field alone..
as what they said, they not going for assembly today..
when i just reach the field,
national anthem started..
i saw my watch, still got 2 or 3 minutes gok ah..
crazy, today so early start assembly..
without them, just left me nia.. haiz..
when ah sam class, got 1 guy came in and ask agnes go duty for ed board.
she don't want go..
ah sam ask since that ed board so busy, why want join?
then a non-ed board member said "Xxxxxxxxxxx la.."
...........................
then SH told me "u should learn to don't sad when heard his name.."
hmm.. although i didn't say anything,
but why she know what i think and also my feeling?
and i admit that it's true..
tomorrow ah sam class just 1 period,
so i already plan to stand for whole period already,
because i sure don't know how to answer eh..
when photography section while we waiting at there,
i saw him, after that, saw her also..
today i only know that she is also same club with him but not only RC..
when he was not looking here, i was looking at him..
but when he was going back to class, i pretend don't see him..
i don't want he know that i am still will look at him..
because i scare..
scare he will feel that i am a horrible girl..
feel so sorry.. hope he won't know.. and won't think me that way..
i just feel like to look at him..
suddenly i was thinking about the first time that i go riverside with him..
he was care about me and protect me,
keep asking me be careful..
and hold me pass through there carefully..
and there was the only place
which we holding hands walk together at school area when the sky so bright..
because normally in school, we just will do that when early morning sky still dark,
or when no people or in class or stairs only..
that was the first time, but also last time..
but i really feel so xing fu that time..
although insects bite me till my whole legs very itchy,
but i feel that, that was nothing, because i got him with me..
hmm... no matter is he holds me, or hugs me, or kisses me,
i also feel that i am the most xing fu's girl in the world..
but i think i didn't told him this..
just keep in my heart..
today when chatting, we talk about bear bear..
and i said that how nice if own a bear bear that big size than me eh..
Ahw.... it will be very comfortable when hug it..
i remember that few years ago,
saw a father point to the upper part of the shelf in shop,
which was a bear bear,
and then said to the shopkeeper,
"i want the biggest one for my daughter's birthday"..
hmm.. she will be very xing fu i think..
sometimes i will suddenly feel like very wanna hug something or someone..
but then i don't know why, just feel want..
but there is always nothing and no one for me to hug..
haiz.. i want hug hug...
sometimes will feel wanna hit someone.. or wanna bite...
don't know why also.. maybe i am crazy? hmm..
but no people will let me do that on him/her..
after school, few of us stay at canteen, because after that got extra class..
then i sit at there,
seeing she was at his car there, and they were chatting.. for quite a long time..
hmm.. don't see... act didn't see... act never see...
forget it... don't care it..
but why my heart tells me that "she" was bleeding...
i think my eyes should apologize to my heart,
because of my eyes, so my lovely heart bleeding again..
dear heart, will u forgive eyes?
i hope i won't see anything, won't listen anything,
won't smell anything, won't feel anything,
although i hope that, but to me,
if i really blind and can't see, i don't want to live already..
got a moment, when i looking,
suddenly saw that he was don't know where,
and i feel kinda shock then faster turn back my head...
when i was in dewan kuliah already,
but then suddenly ask me to take over LY to join ping pong competition for FCC,
because didn't see LY and my "dad" back already..
hmm... actually i don't know it's rules about how it works eh..
some more is mix eh.. and i scare will implicate them..
waiting, waiting, and waiting,
finally saw LY, so i go back dewan kuliah..
i was thinking that why some president or high post eh so useless,
but then still can hold high post..
not just i say that,
teacher also told me that "president useless eh"..
yup, we all also feel that, and the vice president, also do nothing,
some more say that works is president do eh,
vice is just take over when president not around nia eh..
tsk tsk tsk.. like that also can..
really don't know why will choose them to have high post..
hmm..
maybe because of i am crazy or mad or insane or siao liao or what..
i will think that,
is it i will feel better if one of us disappear from this earth among him and me..
but if can choose, i won't choose him to be disappear, i will choose myself..
because if he disappear, i also will be the same, down and sad..
and won't easily love other guy anymore..
but he is different..
if is that i disappear,
he can still live happily, maybe happier?
and he will find his xing fu..
he can chase the girl he really loves and cares,
don't need scare she will jealous about his ex and argue if i disappear..
he will marry with the her,
then build their own warm family, have their cute babies,
and he will has a happy life with his lovely wife and cute babies..
sounds good right?
hmm...
suddenly, i got a thinking,
that is want to take bus and stay in the bus,
and finish the whole journey of that bus pass by..
i hope got people accompany me to do this crazy thing,
but... no one will do.. i know..
i feel that those who driving eh or got people fetch eh,
are very xing fu eh..
why?
because they no need to think about which book need or no need to bring..
they can bring all, because it doesn't matter..
but we take bus, hard to do that..
maybe some of them able because they enough energy to carry it for whole journey,
but i can't..
and they no need to worry about raining..
raining won't be a big deal to them..
but to me, it's a big problem..
hmm.. i was imagine that how good if when tiring and wanna going back home,
then got people waiting there just to fetch u back home,
it's so xing fu...
but that is just i imagine only.. won't happen to me in my real life eh..
tomorrow although i no competition,
but teacher ask me to go help..
i think tomorrow our class tutorial will cancel, so actually can back at 1:10pm,
but i still have to wait and do nothing at school till 2:30pm ping pong competition..
and then will take how long time to finish, i don't know..
i don't know what time i can back..
but what i know is, i think i may be take bus back alone again..
hope tomorrow won't rain..
thursday no ping pong, so after 1:45pm then nothing to do le..
friday no club, so can back early too..
suddenly i saw something at facebook,
which is say that if your first kiss still exists,
then give it to those person..
i am virgo, it says that virgo give to libra...
haiz.. impossible le..
last time he want but i didn't prepared,
feel kinda scare and feel that not the time yet,
so i refused..
but now impossible le..
and the reason, for sure is he won't want.. hmm...
hmm.. just now received a msg,
feel kinda surprise.. but then it was sent by digi reminder eh..
feel kinda disappointed..
right now, i feel exhausted, i am tiring inside..
just hope there are someone to hug me tight and won't let go..
and can let me hug tight too.. ='(
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