feeling..

sometimes, 
something that u hope and wish and pray hard to get it,
but u will fail to get it..
but sometimes,
something that u never expect u will get it,
will suddenly some to you..
it makes u feel so surprise about it.. 
u might feel happy and feel that u are so lucky..
but, unfortunately,
it comes to u, but u fail to take it..
this is what call as tragedy..
yup, it's true..
i never expect that i will get it and already gave up,
but then it suddenly comes to me, 
i feel surprise and kinda happy, 
but then i fail to go and get it because it is so far.. 
i am at Penang, it is at KL..
it quite valuable.. 
but just i can't go KL.. 
hmm.. have to wait after 15 August to know about it's details.. 
i can't tell anyone, and i feel like don't wanna tell anyone.. 
just my family know about it.. 
or maybe people who very close to me then i will tell.. 
hmm.. but then i have to consider this as lucky or unlucky?
lucky that it comes to me but unlucky that i unable to get it..


just now i received a msg, 
again, it was from the same number as last time.. 
i don't who is that, 
and don't understand it's content.. 
seem like codes..
i really wanna know what is that.. 
but how i gonna know?
so weird..


i was curious that how i start to love someone so deep.. 
because to me, now, impossible i will love anyone..
i feel curious that why i can love the guy so deep 
until don't bother what people say how bad he is..
and he can makes me feel that all about him is perfect
and makes me can forgive anything that he done..
hmm.. few months ago,
got rumor said that KS likes me, 
i hate about it because they keep "suan" me..
and i find out that i not hate people "suan" me everything actually..
because if people "suan" me with someone i love, maybe bf, it will makes me feel sweet..
but then if they "suan" me with someone i don't really like, it makes me feel hate..
SH was curious that is it KS really likes me or just rumors only,
then she dare to ask, because SH also feel that KS likes me, 
after that SH told me that "u cham liao.."
hmm.. what i can say? actually i don't like KS.. 
sometimes i will keep myself away from KS..
and he is not the kind of i like eh.. 
maybe myself don't know which kind is i like eh, 
but i will just compare guys with my first bf..
and i find out that they are not same with my first bf.. 
maybe because of this so i won't like or love other guy easily..
because they are not him..
i will want my future bf has all he has, 
treat me the way he treated me..
hmm.. Friday KS sit at SH place which is beside me,
then i walk away and find CY, tell SH, then go toilet, 
after that when i came back to class, SH sit back her place already,
then she told me that she told KS that because he said likes me last time so i will repel..
and she said she asked KS that he still likes me or not, and KS's answer is no..
hmm.. better.. 
actually we feel that KS quite easy change heart and won't likes a girl for long eh..
hmm.. why i say as "we", because not only i feel that..
because of something happen at the past, so make us feel that..
actually i hope my bf will hold my hands 
or put hands on my shoulder or hug my waist no matter walk to where,
especially crossing the road.. (because i not very know how to cross road eh)
that will makes me feel more "an quan gan" because will feel he is beside me..
but, last time he didn't do that when there was a lot people around..
he will just do that when no people or less people around only..
i hope my bf will hold me and walk around,
i want let people know that i have a lovely bf..
last year 1/12/10 i go out with him, i hope he will hold me for all the time,
but he didn't do that, and i also didn't say this to him, because i love him,
so although he didn't do what i hope, also never mind..
and i just want him to be himself, 
but not because of i want so he has to force himself to do.
hmm.. that time i want to hold him but i feel shy so i didn't do that..
after that i feel kinda regret.. i should do that eh.. 
that day SH told me that i need bid size eh bf so that can protect me well..
hmm.. maybe she is right.. 
but then i feel curious that, school have some chubby guy,
and they make me feel sick.. just exclude him.. 
he is the only chubby guy that i feel perfect..
maybe because love him gua.. 
as what people say, 情人眼里出西施..
but why now he no longer loves me but i still care about him... 
haiz..
hmm.. feel good after express my feeling..


yesterday when account class, 
they discuss about cars..
i don't know what they talking about, 
because i can't recognise cars' name and type..
hmm.. i hope got people teach me about that..