this few days...

Friday, surprising received his message, feel kinda happy at first..

but then when open it, feel kinda disappointed.. 

hmm.. but what am i hoping for?

he said he don't want go school down so don't want attend..

but he refuse to tell me what happen..

hmm.. well.. i am not important to him, it is normal that he don't want tell me..

not like last time, midnight he will also find me.. 

Saturday morning, don't know why i will send him good morning..

i don't know whether he will reply or not,

but i still send it..

he got reply me, felt happy.. 

but got another feeling, hmm.. kinda sad? don't know..

i didn't bring my phone to school, 

yup, recently i go out without phone..

because i don't want to disappointed myself..

i know if i bring it out, i sure will always look at it..

at school, i felt so down..

maybe if i know earlier, i will choose to not go..

why was i so down?

because of her..

i saw her keep pressing phone, and my mind start to think, 

thinking is it he sms with her..

after that i found out that, that phone not belong to her and she was playing game.

hmm.. feel better..

but then after that saw she took her phone and see message..

i was thinking again, is him, perhaps..

when they leave, my friend and me also leave..

my friend lie to the lower 6 girl that we got tuition,

then i saw 3 of them including her changed clothes..

and wait at bus stop. 

i was guessing that they sure go out with him again..

and guess that is he fetch them go..

i don't know, it just was my guessing only..

my friend ask me don't think so much, 

if not i will same like my dad got mentally ill.. 

but i just can't control myself from thinking..

after i back home, i message him..

and he ask me why didn't join them..

hmm.. possible i join them???

first, i don't know they go out,

second, no point for them to tell me because not so close..

whatever la.. i don't know the relation between him and her, 

if i go, will feel hurt when see they both together..

and YS and LW sure is together eh,

then left they both lo..

i go for what?

feel curious why i said not so close just now?

i don't know why, i feel that recently, 

got a thick wall which blocking YS + LW with me..

i feel that we are getting far....

just like morning, about 2 hours time,

they all sit together,

then i saw my friend sit alone, so i sit with her,

in the almost 2 hours time, they totally didn't talk to me also.. 

i want to talk with them, but how?

suddenly i don't know how to..

seem like they 4 is 1 group of good friend,

how can i join in? seem weird..

finally before back i ask YS can back liao? because saw her carry bag..

hmm.. what can i do to break this wall? how to? who can teach or help me? 

maybe what people said are correct,

no matter how close the friendship is, will also become farther when not same class..

i think perhaps it's true.. 

they close to their class eh, and slowly get far from us, this is what we can see and feel..

is it in this world, really nothing will last forever?

friendship, relationship, ...

hmm.. i remember that he said he don't like to shopping in shoes, clothes,... 's shops..

but then now, he can accompany them do so.. 

he changed? maybe.. 

or because of her? don't know..

yesterday's messages that i sent to him was so down..

i know.. 

i jealous a lot..

but i don't have the rights also.. i know..

when i sent that message, he didn't reply already..

this is what i expected also.. but i still keep waiting..

yup, he didn't reply..

many hours past, 

he said just finish shopping,

don't know why i will feel happy when saw his message..

actually i want to ask him drive carefully and tell me when reach home,

but whenever i think of her, it will stop me to do that..

at night, i told him about his flag day got commission RM5,

then he didn't reply for a long time, so i go eat dinner,

after that saw his message, i reply him with unhappy tone,

because that time i really unhappy..

i cry when i eating.. because something happen.. 

but when saw his message, i felt a bit not so sad already..

but then after i sent, he didn't reply anymore..

hmm.. 

night, i can't sleep.. whole night..

but what can i do?

and guess what i do?

my whole mind is full of him again..

i hope he will same like last time accompany me in the midnight..

but now, will him?

and i felt so cold...

i hope he will be next to me and hug me, keep me warm..

but i know impossible, of course..

i felt cold till morning..

morning, still cold, cold till my leg sprain, 

very pain, nearly cry out.. 

today i didn't send him any message, 

but hoping he send for me, 

is that possible?

nope.. ya i know..