5/8/11

i don't know how to start...

hmm.. let's talk about exam again..

today was our last paper.. which was muet..

can see clearly no one care about muet..

i think just not more than 5 people study niah..

then the rest was chatting..

after exam was ah sam period, so we arrange back our tables and chairs..

feel kinda curious because normally he won't let us do that eh..

last time even we got exam, he still want to teach..

but today he didn't.. but just talk a lot of craps..

then say about our test.. and it makes me so down..

because i losing maximum 20 marks although i know how to do eh..

and think about PA, the most important subject,

this time don't know will pass or not, because objective so hard,

and bahagian B i done in wrong format.. whole..

hmm.. tomorrow extra class again.. 

i think the same thing will happen,

which is morning take bus alone go school,

then learn alone, 

then take bus back home alone..

haiz..

SH said that she dream tiok she saw my blog..

hmm.. i won't give her my link eh..

because if she see tiok what i write, she sure will kill me..

because she hate me for being down..

so recently, i learnt that will still pretend happy although heart is bleeding..

for what i saw during recess time, i hope i can forget it..

during this exam week, i should thanks to him, 

why? because he didn't update his blog..

although everyday i sure will see his blog for many times, 

but everytime when i open it, i feel very scare..

i scare will see that he write about girls.... especially her, and her..

it sure will makes me feel down and sad, although i always tell myself don't..

until yesterday, i saw on facebook, and know that they went out..

watch movie and see dress..

hmm.. saw their comments, it makes me feel hurt..

just now, after i finish my dinner, i open his blog again..

and saw what he wrote.. 

luckily i saw it after i ate but not before.. 

because if i see it before i eat, i sure will no appetite to eat anymore..

whenever i feel hurt, i will don't want to eat..

they sit together in cinema... 

hmm.. the last time i went cinema was 1/12/10 which was with him..

after that, i never go cinema anymore..

it is because i sure will think about him..

that we were sit at couple seat and he was hugging me for the whole movie playing..

he some more said about next time..

but after that, no more next time..

don't know when he was in cinema, will him think of me?

i think he won't.. because he forgot all sweet memory with me..

and also won't think of me eh because the person he loves and cares is not me..

hmm.. him and her so close... till he can wanna do that to her...

normally only bf will do that for gf..

but him.....?

their relation.....?

hmm..

think of last time he said to me want i be his partner,

think of he said accompany me go see ...................

but actually he won't anymore..

not because i didn't go, is because even i got go, he won't also..

my sis ask me go to take part, i ask her sponsor me hor?

she say ok ah..

but i also didn't take part..

because i scare if i go, 

i will still think of the words that he said to me but won't do..

and i don't wanna see how sweet he treat girls, either her, or her.. 

but now what i scare of is, i scare i will see all that on facebook..

they sure will upload photos, or write something..

i scare.. how to prevent me from seeing that besides don't login facebook?

why till now i still remember what he said?

it just suffer me..

STUPID KEAT HONG!

IDIOT KEAT HONG!

when will u stop care him? 

when will u stop love him?

when will u won't feel hurt?

already more than half year..

half year sweet, with more than half year and forever pain and hurt..

it should be fair with half year.. but why i still ........?

send u to hell if u still keep thinking!

hmm.. then... better straight send me go la..

but before say bye, allow me to say something..

hmm...

will him hate me if i say it? hmm.. won't gua.. 

i not straight tell him eh.. i just syok sendiri nia..

but even he hate, also never mind already la..

what i still hoping and wishing for?

no matter he hate me or not, also won't change back anything le..

so never mind la.. 

i really feel wanna send him good morning and good night everyday..

but i kinda scare he won't reply, 

because last month,

he didn't reply my good night and good morning dy..

and he also won't find me to chat anymore.. 

he find any people but also won't be me..

tomorrow is chinese valentine, who will with me?

no.... no one.. haiz.. 

hmm.. ok la...

I LOVE U.. Muack.

good night.. BYE