9/8/11

dislike my shoes, 
hurt my legs whenever i walk.. 
so pain.. but what can do?


today when assembly, saw him at assembly field without tie..
he didn't duty already? 
hmm.. i keep telling myself don't see there anymore..
if not maybe will see something which i not suppose to see eh..


teacher gave us economic exam papers..
i think the marks still ok gua..
but because of the "juta", i lost 4 marks.. haiz..
but for the muet, i quite disappointed..
luckily i didn't retake muet test, if not will just waste another RM61 only..
why i say so? it is because in the whole class,
i have the second lowest marks..
haiz..
next is about PA, my bahagian B just get only 7/15.. 
because we never do this type eh, so luan luan write..
and this is the result luan luan write..
i feel sad about it too..


during recess time, saw him at canteen, with girl(s)..
well.. ok.. don't see...
control!!!
after bell rang, him with girl(s) walk together..
till the first floor the girl(s) back class..
.....


teacher write on whiteboard the answer for essay,
so i copy then they say they don't want copy,
they want take mine to photostat will do..
they so lazy lo.. right? luckily they got me lo.. haha..


teachers got meeting at the last period, 
so our class no teacher,
because of monday to thursday last period also is PA,
but she wont' let us back early everytime when she got meeting..
today also same,
but got some of them cabut lari liao..
me? won't la.. i am a good student lai eh mah..
and some more 1:30pm got ah sam class wor..
hmm.. they all don't want to go..
left me.. haiz.. everytime also like that.. 
never mind la.. used to it..


when first step in dewan kuliah, feel so comfortable, because it's cool..
but slowly, i felt getting cold..
cold till my hands become ice again..
haiz.. 
why i so easy to feel cold?
how good if i not scare cold..
and once cold, my legs start to pain again.. 
today also 3pm back alone.. haiz..
how about tomorrow?
1:40pm? maybe lo.. 
but if got people willing to accompany me stay at school to study together,
then better lo.. late pun never mind..
but don't have eh gua.. i think.. hmm..


when at school, when i put my book, 
my finger was under my book, then know what happen le gua..
i put it with so big force..
and so pain lo.. 
hmm.. 
but it's normal to me already lo..
sometimes is my file..
more gai...
then afternoon when i eating, 
don't know why i bite tiok my finger..
soooooo pain.. i never know that i will bite tiok my own finger eh..
some more bite with big force..
haiz... maybe as SH said, i am always careless eh..
need people take care mah.. haiyo.. 


hmm...
whenever i think tiok him and her, i will feel hurt...
and down..
how to not feel that? people will ask me don't think will do,
but, is that so easy?
hmm, say of course easy, but i can't control my brain eh..
if can control it like i control my computer, 
i sure will delete it, and then empty the recycle bin,
so that i won't think about it anymore, then mah won't hurt lo..
but unfortunately my brain not computer so easy to control..
haiz..


i feel that as time move on, become no people understand me anymore..
i feel that whenever i feel sad or down, 
there is no one for me to speak to..
even i speak out, they will just simply comfort, 
because they don't understand how i feel..
but sometimes i think, 
is that really become no people for me to speak to?
or is because i feel that they not suit anymore?
i don't know..
just feel like no people are there for me anymore..
when i need somebody, there is no one..
although many people around me, 
but who really willing to be there for me?
recently i feel more tired, not physically, but mentally..
because i can pretend happy in front of friends although i am not..
i success...
yesterday i was down, but today i ask SH that do her feel it?
she said no..
she can judge people well..
that is what i admit..
because she told me something before but i don't care,
but what she said is really true.. 
when it happen, i believe.. 
i am so tired, tired to be a fake of me, 
but then there is no one who understand me, cares me,
i don't know i still can bear how long time..
i am weak but just pretend to be strong..
i am tired...