16/8/11---torturing+suffering

start with midnight..
last night i slept after 11pm, 
then around 2am, 
i woke because of stomach ache..
this type of pain is the most torturing me and i scare the most.. 
some more is at midnight..
i thought i can tahan, so i don't want to wake mum up,
but then about half hour torturing,
i decided to wake mum up,
mum look at her alarm clock, then told me no need go school today..
i feel curious because just 2am something..
then she prepare chinese medicine for me,
after i drink it, it seem useless..
because still very very very pain..
after that mum ask me just 2am something? i answered yup..
then she said she thought 6am something already..
after that guess what happen?
hmm.. of course is continue pain and suffering..
for how long time? 
for about 2 and a half hours or about near 3 hours..
i can't sleep due to the pain..
in the few hours, when i was suffering, 
i feel wanna find people to accompany me, chat with me, 
the first and the only one person i think of is him.. 
but at last i didn't message him, due to some reason.. 
i am not his gf, so impossible he will accompany in the midnight..
and, i don't know he got likes or loves or chasing girl or not,
if got, then i more not suppose to find him at midnight..
but truly, really very suffer...
i was thinking that who can accompany me, but none..
i face the pain alone..
after that, around after 4:30am, i slowly sleep again..
when i wake up again was 5:33am, already late than normal day..
because i didn't heard that my phone's alarm got ring, maybe didn't ring..
is my alarm clock woke me up.. if my alarm clock ring, means i am kinda late.
i was thinking whether want to go school or not since that i am still pain at that time..
but finally i decide to go..
as what SH said before, even i just left half of live, i will also go school.. 
maybe it's true..
again, i ate the medicine before go school..
i was thinking whether want to wake mum or not when i wanna go wait bus,
because in the few hours when i was suffering, i know that she also can't sleep..
but i scare she will scold me if i go wait bus alone since that sky still dark,
she will worry..
so i use my 1 finger to touch her many times but it doesn't work,
i use 2 fingers, still the same, normally she will wake if i touch her like that..
but today she didn't..
so i went toilet a while and then wake her again,
but she really didn't wake,
so i just stop it..
because when i wake her, i feel guilty too..
then i take a piece of paper and write something, put on her body,
i think she will see it when she wake..
then i went school...
at school still pain for whole day.. it really torturing me a lot..


YS was accident yesterday.. and her bf too..
she get wound on her hands and legs..
sure very pain also.. 
hope she and her bf recover soon..


today economic test really canceled as what i expect..
because they went for the ceramah..
when muet, they talking..
i feel very not well and feel hard to breath, but no people knows or cares... 


form teacher let us check our exam marks, 
our class got 34 people, 
but this time what place i get?
hmm.. i get the place which is more than half class..
this sucks result... 
sorry for saying this rude word.. but really feel that i am so useless..


today got account extra class,
actually i kinda feel don't wanna stay because not feeling well yet..
but i still tahan till 3pm take bus back alone..
in the bus, so full already but driver still want to fetch  so many people..
then i am at the place which don't have the button..
hmm.. how i stop the bus leh??
then when i wanna leave the bus, totally can't move.. 
but still have to move..
as a result, my whole hand become red and pain due to scratch..
when i reach home, mum ask me 
"i not said no need go school meh?"


just now when eating dinner, 
don't know why suddenly feel very not well, 
pain again and feel wanna vomit..
actually what happen to me?
no one cares about me also.. 
haiz..