24/8/11

morning after i prepared everything and start wearing right leg's sock,
"SHAAA~~~"
suddenly raining...
so i took off my socks and went in room to send message for XF,
ask her fetch me go...
but when wait till she go school eh time,
rain already become smaller...
when reach school, wow, no rain also... road still dry..
but after enter class for a while,
suddenly rain.. yea.. no need go for assembly..


so fast maths teach till so chim already..
almost finish also..
but my homework not yet finish..
and also not so understand..
she teach very fast...


when muet period,
today suppose is YN's group and my group sit for the speaking test,
but after YN's group,
when we prepare want to go front,
they said our group's YC absent..
so the next group said they want first..
but actually their group also got 1 person absent,
because of if that group finish, will left only SW 1 person,
so they already planned to let SW take over..
actually when told teacher that both group also got people absent,
so teacher ask got 3 people eh group go forward,
suppose is our group first,
but the group already sit at there and said to teacher that they also 3 people,
actually why they do that?
i think it is because teacher said that Thursday and Friday she won't be around,
then if today didn't do speaking test,
have to wait till after holidays,
and actually JW already told teacher they want to test today from earlier,
they jump the queue..
actually teacher plan 3 people also never mind,
because can add in 1 student that got retake muet test eh..
and also can let SW join in our group,
but they...............
so left us 1 group only, need to wait after holidays..
and teacher gives eh question ok..
that suppose is our group, but not theirs..
i scare get the hard 1 that no point to say eh..
i know it just a small matter,
but i was so angry and boh syok about it..
do them know what's call as RESPECT?
they do that way, and never think of our feelings,
and never ask permission from us,
they totally ignore us,
well, is it we are not human?
but actually can know that among the group, who planned it..
i feel that what i realise yesterday is so right that,
in this world, all is depend on relation,
as what hokkien people always say,
they know how to be a people..
their relation among friends is better than me,
so this is the result..
and,
what else can i complain?
that time i feel that no one will understand my feeling..
because if thing didn't happen on a person,
he/she won't understand eh..


and RC also unfair,
all also reletion..
some people atend less times than me,
but they get higher attendance than me,
because of relation..
tomorrow is the last day to give cert for RC, 
then should i? 
since that attendance already so sucks..
and today i only know that FCC is another sucks..
our class the 3 FCC boys get full attendance,
but actually 1 of them is syok syok go, boh syok boh go eh..
how come...............?
then my friends got about half, is because they really less attend..
but mine?
over 12 times activities,
i just absent for 2 times only,
and what we get for the attendance?
a lot of 0..
what the ....?!!!!
and about the cert,
my friends and me also attended 2 April's ceramah in school
which is organise by school koperasi..
but today i only know that, they all get the cert which worth 14 marks,
but i didn't get..
so,
is it this is the way which MBS people do things?
irresponsible!!!!
is that to be responsible is so hard to them?


today we have economic test again..
at the same time,
teacher give back those latihan that we done,
and also the short essay that we wrote which is last week's test.
then i didn't get mine as thay all get back..
after that only know, it is because teacher put my paper on the class board..
because i get 6 marks which is full..
this thing happen not the first time to me..
so they say me again..
they say that i always say didn't study is lie them eh..
they say i everyday act online but in fact is study everyday..
well.. i can't stop what they want to say..
but i swear, i really everyday sit in front computer without book..
they don't believe me, i can do nothing also..


today no tutorial since that teacher said she got something to do..
after back home and ate,
then walk to air itam again..
but so bad that when want back, 
rain heavily..
but how wor?
still need to back home eh mah..
so ............... 
raining... walk back home...
then what happen, know liao gua.. 
haiz.. 

23/8/11

today's assembly if purposely for Merdeka..
then we stand behind a bit, but got some grass there,
so feel uncomfortable and legs very itchy..
then got students do "show"..
do about what sign contract eh..
hmm.. i don't know what they acting,
because my history worst till infinity eh..
i never understand it and always fail..
so i just watching without understanding only..
it quite funny.. 
but i admire them because they are so brave..
then when sing the song "Saya Anak Malaysia",
i feel kinda enjoy also..
and i think of the time when i listen this song in my NS camp..
that time was got half camp of the pelatih not in camp because went for komuniti..
then the rest of us doing other things then got some extra time,
JL played this song, then we all "dance",
(*JL is JuruLatih)
then the "Satu Malaysia" song..
when the U6A6 girl stand on the stage,
i felt very funny..
(so sorry about that)
but really seem so .................. horrible.. 
i told my friends,
"now still July (chinese calender)"
i quite like that song.. 
but so bad that i don't know how to sing..
many camp also sing this, but my camp is different..
my camp sing eh Satu Malaysia song is not so nice eh...
we stand there till rain, but just small rain only..
then announce that librarian Friday after school got meeting..
this is what i expected..
because Thursday will be the last day, Friday after school, library will close..


hmm.. something about my personal thing..
my period already late for 1 week,
keep on period pain, but not yet come..
kinda worry..


then about the sucks RC again..
hmm.. normally i won't say rude words,
but this time i do..
because it really sucks,
besides this, got what else best describe?
some people, attend less, but get attendance more than mine..
because of relation..
this is another unfair..
and the attendance actually is very unfair to us already, 
now become more unfair..
then the flag day got marks, 
but how many marks?
teacher didn't let know, 
how we know whether we want to use cert add marks or not?
we still got other clubs, they suppose let us know first then we only can decide.. 
so this is what MBS teachers do things...
and i remember CDK teacher Pn.Shanthi ever said,
"this world is never fair"..
maybe it's true..
MBS RC SUCKS!!!!!


after recess, 
ah sam told us that extra class canceled, 
because they got meeting..
they all "YEAH!!"
then ah sam said shouldn't like this, 
suppose very down..
then they "aiyo, why cancel.. haiz.."
then he laugh.. 


hmm.. so today after school i got nothing to do, 
shall i go ganti?
back home also can't settle the important thing because no people bring go..
but finally i choose to back home..
and the bus so "geng",
among 5 bell, only 1 can use..
i met this the third time already.. 
why they didn't repair?
how we press it if crowded?
brainless..


after reach home,
after ate,
although dad at home, but he won't fetch me go eh..
so mum and me decide to take bus go since that i back early..
although don't know at where..
don't know where to stop the bus..
mum said want stop at CDK, but seem still far,
then keep on moving, about before time square eh bus stop, 
we stop at there,
then, 
how to go???
mum simply bring me go in to a lorong,
walk till half way,
she suddenly said don't know can go eh boh..
then walk patah balik,
then walk to another lorong..
i just follow where mum go..
i really scare when cross the roads...
although mum holds my hand when cross, but i scare too..
then we walk walk walk... 
after a long walk,
then saw got students,
i think it is MGS, then we continue walk,
saw KDU, then saw 2 big and high buildings,
opposite each other,
then mum said don't know which 1,
then when i look up one of them,
saw that it is TNB (got a TNB bulb sign),
so mum said is opposite,
then we go.....
finally we found it.. 
then when want enter, 
don't know where is the door, 
because all is glass...
i follow behind mum eh,
then when she pass by, i saw the door open liao, 
it's auto eh.. 
then i told mum, then she ask where?
i said "behind u",
then she turn back, 
but at the same time, she step on another door sensor liao,
so another door also open but she didn't see,
then when we enter and ask, then enter lift,
but when reach, don't know where to go..
at first we go correct eh direction but just few steps,
then mum said is another side, then we turn back,
but there seem like exit eh wor.. 
i told mum, but she don't believe,
but then we turn back again, but saw another place write "keluar",
hmm.. then where actually??
then mum ask people, 
we only go right place..
we both seem so blur eh.. 
do this do that also blur,
then we both keep argue because don't know who is right also..
so now i don't have IC ler.. 
Oopppsss, when want to take, need to go take by this way again? 
oh no.. 
hmm.. after settle it, when we came out,
OH MY GOD!!!
raining... 
how we back????
so bad... why bully us???
then we walk back a long distance,
at half, i think no rain already, 
then i ask mum why still open umbrella since that no rain?
mum said got sun.. haha.. ok lo.. i lose lo..
then we walk walk walk, 
mum ask want to go 佛学院 or not,
i said cincai, but i said i don't know how to go,
but then sometimes they ask me go there study.. 
then she said want is want, don't want is don't want,
no cincai eh.. and she said scare rain again,
so i said no need lo..
then when we walk to the lorong half way,
she suddenly said she want go eh actually..
so funny hor her?
she want go but still want ask me and have argue eh wor..
she said scare rain again, i said won't liao eh,
so we patah balik and heading to there,
then mum told me how to go if stop bus at padang there..
so we enter, i bring back a book,
hope i really will read it la.. 

22/8/11 HELP!!!

today morning, after he reach school, 
he still stay in car, what he doing? hmm...


about 7am, he went down, 
when we go for assembly, saw him with that lower 6 girl together..
just they both only.. i feel so hurt when saw that..
when at assembly field, he play with JW them, 
again, it makes me feel hurt..
i feel wanna to escape.. but where can i escape?
i turn around, but SH turn me back, and ask me must face it..


after we enter class, form teacher also enter, 
after that period, we will have 2 period of PA,
but luckily teacher didn't use 3 period..
the first period is assembly eh, so she let us do our own thing,
so i do my maths which i didn't do it at home..
suddenly she call me, so i look at her,
then she use her hand to make a "come" sign,
so i go out..
then she said "nothing, just i am writing your report book."
then she point to my account's mark,
ask "you sure this mark correct?"
i answered ya..
she then said all ok but that 1 not ok, 
and ask me don't let it fail.. 
because if all ok but got 1 fail, it's not nice already..
and ask me to make up my mind to tell myself that i don't want fail..
actually i also don't want fail, and i think no one want to fail also..
haiz.. 


recess time, after i ate, i went to library..
to inform teacher that i can't duty today because got something to do,
but will ganti on thursday..
then she said ok..
after that i saw YM them, then she also call me, 
then we talk about RC..
but what can i say is, RC SUCKS!!
i everytime also attend, i think i never absent,
but my attendance just 12 out of 18 only..
what the XXXX...
then i know that it is because they count the duties in..
activities less, and then count it in?
duty one time at most just 15 people, 
so no people will get full attendance, 
is that fair???
we join this is also want marks, now??
attendance mark are meant a lot, but now??
attend everytime and this is what we get??
because of to few activities so count duties in and makes we all can't get full marks..
tsk tsk tsk.. 
this is what u all do for us?
after that, i ask about the penglibatan marks,
then know that need cert.. 
no cert no mark..
hey please la.. 
then how about flag day?
no cert no mark?
flag day no cert, ya it's true, but no marks also?
then we go for what??
damn the teacher.. 
attendance suppose is full, now become just 2/3, 
become 33/50 marks only,
then penglibatan flag day no cert no mark, 
well.. 
so, what the hell i join RC?
hopefully i can get a satisfy's answer..


after that, i see still got time,
so i went back to canteen,
and i regret so much..
saw him with JW together.. 
after back to class, i saw her table exists something..
something which didn't exists in the morning but exists after recess if not mistaken..
something which he gave me last time also.. 
but i not sure about the truth, is it .................................?
morning after assembly saw that, i very down, 
but after that, i tried to make myself not so down..
but then after recess, i down again.. 
whenever i saw her table, i will feel so down.. 
actually he likes who? her? her? or her? who?


due to changing timetable, muet become last period, after account..
when she came in, she seem so rush..
then she ask class quiet because very noisy..
then that time i was telling CY something,
but she seem ignore what i said and keep ask about it,
so i use a louder sound to told her..
actually just few words only
but that time, teacher stare at me very fierce, 
then use a higher and loud tone and sound said
"CAN U KEEP QUIET PLEASE??!!!!"
i feel so sad about it.. 


after school, i go wait bus, got 201 but many people so i skip,
then continue wait...
i saw him drive leave school.. 
hmm.. be careful when driving ya..
after that got 202, so i back by it..
the sky was started to get dark..
we need to walk to air itam ler.. 
dear GOD, dear sky, dear cloud,
please don't rain....
but when we are on the halfway, 
rain a bit.. 
so bad..
but after a while, it stops..
we go and settle our things..
but so bad that mine 1 unable to succeed,
due to my IC's chip destroy already..
oh my god.. 
why play me like this?
u know it very important and urgent to me, u still play me like this..
so i have to go to do IC eh place to do something, 
then go back there to complete it..
just now when i reached home,
my leg hurt and pain.
because of slipper..
i said already, 
i don't know how to and also can't wear slipper eh..
i will walk till seem very weird and slipper will hurt my leg..
tomorrow my dad didn't work, 
but just now when mum ask him whether know do IC eh place at where or not,
he straight said "ask sis, she knows, ask her bring go.."
hmm.. he always like that eh..
everytime we need him to fetch us go anywhere,
he sure said can't eh..
but my bro said 
he saw that my dad look kinda abnormal when mum ask him fetch me go..
because he don't wanna leave mum stay at home without him,
he still not so believe mum yet..
but actually i also feel no an quan gan if he fetch me go..
but... wait...
who else can bring me go??
who will willing to do that??
urgent wor.. 
how????
haiz.. 
what can i do???
help!!!!

this few days...

Friday, surprising received his message, feel kinda happy at first..

but then when open it, feel kinda disappointed.. 

hmm.. but what am i hoping for?

he said he don't want go school down so don't want attend..

but he refuse to tell me what happen..

hmm.. well.. i am not important to him, it is normal that he don't want tell me..

not like last time, midnight he will also find me.. 

Saturday morning, don't know why i will send him good morning..

i don't know whether he will reply or not,

but i still send it..

he got reply me, felt happy.. 

but got another feeling, hmm.. kinda sad? don't know..

i didn't bring my phone to school, 

yup, recently i go out without phone..

because i don't want to disappointed myself..

i know if i bring it out, i sure will always look at it..

at school, i felt so down..

maybe if i know earlier, i will choose to not go..

why was i so down?

because of her..

i saw her keep pressing phone, and my mind start to think, 

thinking is it he sms with her..

after that i found out that, that phone not belong to her and she was playing game.

hmm.. feel better..

but then after that saw she took her phone and see message..

i was thinking again, is him, perhaps..

when they leave, my friend and me also leave..

my friend lie to the lower 6 girl that we got tuition,

then i saw 3 of them including her changed clothes..

and wait at bus stop. 

i was guessing that they sure go out with him again..

and guess that is he fetch them go..

i don't know, it just was my guessing only..

my friend ask me don't think so much, 

if not i will same like my dad got mentally ill.. 

but i just can't control myself from thinking..

after i back home, i message him..

and he ask me why didn't join them..

hmm.. possible i join them???

first, i don't know they go out,

second, no point for them to tell me because not so close..

whatever la.. i don't know the relation between him and her, 

if i go, will feel hurt when see they both together..

and YS and LW sure is together eh,

then left they both lo..

i go for what?

feel curious why i said not so close just now?

i don't know why, i feel that recently, 

got a thick wall which blocking YS + LW with me..

i feel that we are getting far....

just like morning, about 2 hours time,

they all sit together,

then i saw my friend sit alone, so i sit with her,

in the almost 2 hours time, they totally didn't talk to me also.. 

i want to talk with them, but how?

suddenly i don't know how to..

seem like they 4 is 1 group of good friend,

how can i join in? seem weird..

finally before back i ask YS can back liao? because saw her carry bag..

hmm.. what can i do to break this wall? how to? who can teach or help me? 

maybe what people said are correct,

no matter how close the friendship is, will also become farther when not same class..

i think perhaps it's true.. 

they close to their class eh, and slowly get far from us, this is what we can see and feel..

is it in this world, really nothing will last forever?

friendship, relationship, ...

hmm.. i remember that he said he don't like to shopping in shoes, clothes,... 's shops..

but then now, he can accompany them do so.. 

he changed? maybe.. 

or because of her? don't know..

yesterday's messages that i sent to him was so down..

i know.. 

i jealous a lot..

but i don't have the rights also.. i know..

when i sent that message, he didn't reply already..

this is what i expected also.. but i still keep waiting..

yup, he didn't reply..

many hours past, 

he said just finish shopping,

don't know why i will feel happy when saw his message..

actually i want to ask him drive carefully and tell me when reach home,

but whenever i think of her, it will stop me to do that..

at night, i told him about his flag day got commission RM5,

then he didn't reply for a long time, so i go eat dinner,

after that saw his message, i reply him with unhappy tone,

because that time i really unhappy..

i cry when i eating.. because something happen.. 

but when saw his message, i felt a bit not so sad already..

but then after i sent, he didn't reply anymore..

hmm.. 

night, i can't sleep.. whole night..

but what can i do?

and guess what i do?

my whole mind is full of him again..

i hope he will same like last time accompany me in the midnight..

but now, will him?

and i felt so cold...

i hope he will be next to me and hug me, keep me warm..

but i know impossible, of course..

i felt cold till morning..

morning, still cold, cold till my leg sprain, 

very pain, nearly cry out.. 

today i didn't send him any message, 

but hoping he send for me, 

is that possible?

nope.. ya i know..

=.= 19/8/11

hmm... 
today got things which made me feel down..
but, ....
i want to clear my mind,
i don't want to recall it.. 
so.. just ignore la.. haha.. 

18/8/11

yesterday don't know why so tired,
although not 9am something only wake, 
but i leave my bed at that time..
then about 12pm, i went to sleep again, till 2pm..
but still felt sleepy and tired..
then at night headache again, so i hope i can sleep tight..
but then 11pm went to stick on my lovely bed, can't sleep.. 
till about 12 something only slept..


today, he absent again, why leh???
hmm.. i don't know also..


when assembly, saw the 2 flags not at top but at half,
why leh?? don't know also..


economic teacher gave us a short test, 
i not really know how to do, so just luan luan write lo..
then she asked us prepare keynes for next week,
and she said herself consider as good already,
because all just small topic but not whole chapter..
hmm.. ok lo.. i admit what she said is quite correct de..


when muet, finally teacher started speaking test for trial exam..
the first group because of got 1 person absent, so next group start..
CY shock jor.. haha.. but then after that, she is the happiest among all of us..
but the questions quite hard..
SH said she hope tomorrow will turn to her group again, 
because she want to enjoy saturday and sunday.. 


then is maths, 1 period,
teacher didn't teach, 
we felt curious so we asked her, 
she told us study ourselves, she don't want teach already..
we all felt shock..
but then when i saw her "smile", i know she cheat us de.. haha.. 
so bad lo.. 


ah sam ask who wanna attend extra class this saturday,
i want but got RC meeting wor..
the lower 6 girl told me meeting is compulsory,
but then got people said not compulsory.. 
so which is the fact?
then how should i decide leh?
after that, the lower 6 girls came again, wanna collect RM5,
but so sorry that my wallet just got RM2 only..
then i ask that girl whether is compulsory, and told her got people said not,
then she said she in charge eh so she make it compulsory..
hmm.. ok lo... 
so i skip extra class lor.. 


SH and YN keep asking me to hand out with them, 
i rejected many times, also feel paiseh..
and they said same class with me so long time and know each other so many years,
but never hang out with me..
but some people i just know few months then can hang out together already..
hmm... ok lor.. what can i said leh? 
who ask that people can give me an quan gan wor..
this saturday... i might consider it la.. 
but scare my period will come, 
because it suppose come at tuesday but today thursday already still not yet..
and i wear RC shirt take bus to komtar??
seem so weird.. feel not safe to change clothes at there ler..
but if change at school, take bus need to pay more.. 
haiz..
how leh??


after school, we got farewell..
so we all follow SChoo's car, 
reach at there around near 2pm,
but i wait till around over 3pm something only can eat..
why? because they no efficient lo..
prepare 1 plate also use a long time,
there got so many people..
some more few of us including me eh, they prepare the last..
i was so hungry till my both hands paralyze..
because i whole morning didn't eat anything besides early morning's oat only..
after that, teacher said want take photo at outside the shop.. 
that time, few of them don't want, so i follow them lor..
so we escape to toilet, we hide near there..
wait they all took photo then only go out..
hmm.. actually i not really want hide eh, but they hide so i just follow nia lor..
then we wait for friend's mum come fetch, so we stand at outside,
for a long time, i felt stomach ache again.. 
and feel like wanna fainted already..
but i didn't tell them...
when in car, they keep chatting till very high, but i just keep quiet,
because i really very pain..


now at night, hmm.. 
good night to you.. sweet dreams.. 

16/8/11---torturing+suffering

start with midnight..
last night i slept after 11pm, 
then around 2am, 
i woke because of stomach ache..
this type of pain is the most torturing me and i scare the most.. 
some more is at midnight..
i thought i can tahan, so i don't want to wake mum up,
but then about half hour torturing,
i decided to wake mum up,
mum look at her alarm clock, then told me no need go school today..
i feel curious because just 2am something..
then she prepare chinese medicine for me,
after i drink it, it seem useless..
because still very very very pain..
after that mum ask me just 2am something? i answered yup..
then she said she thought 6am something already..
after that guess what happen?
hmm.. of course is continue pain and suffering..
for how long time? 
for about 2 and a half hours or about near 3 hours..
i can't sleep due to the pain..
in the few hours, when i was suffering, 
i feel wanna find people to accompany me, chat with me, 
the first and the only one person i think of is him.. 
but at last i didn't message him, due to some reason.. 
i am not his gf, so impossible he will accompany in the midnight..
and, i don't know he got likes or loves or chasing girl or not,
if got, then i more not suppose to find him at midnight..
but truly, really very suffer...
i was thinking that who can accompany me, but none..
i face the pain alone..
after that, around after 4:30am, i slowly sleep again..
when i wake up again was 5:33am, already late than normal day..
because i didn't heard that my phone's alarm got ring, maybe didn't ring..
is my alarm clock woke me up.. if my alarm clock ring, means i am kinda late.
i was thinking whether want to go school or not since that i am still pain at that time..
but finally i decide to go..
as what SH said before, even i just left half of live, i will also go school.. 
maybe it's true..
again, i ate the medicine before go school..
i was thinking whether want to wake mum or not when i wanna go wait bus,
because in the few hours when i was suffering, i know that she also can't sleep..
but i scare she will scold me if i go wait bus alone since that sky still dark,
she will worry..
so i use my 1 finger to touch her many times but it doesn't work,
i use 2 fingers, still the same, normally she will wake if i touch her like that..
but today she didn't..
so i went toilet a while and then wake her again,
but she really didn't wake,
so i just stop it..
because when i wake her, i feel guilty too..
then i take a piece of paper and write something, put on her body,
i think she will see it when she wake..
then i went school...
at school still pain for whole day.. it really torturing me a lot..


YS was accident yesterday.. and her bf too..
she get wound on her hands and legs..
sure very pain also.. 
hope she and her bf recover soon..


today economic test really canceled as what i expect..
because they went for the ceramah..
when muet, they talking..
i feel very not well and feel hard to breath, but no people knows or cares... 


form teacher let us check our exam marks, 
our class got 34 people, 
but this time what place i get?
hmm.. i get the place which is more than half class..
this sucks result... 
sorry for saying this rude word.. but really feel that i am so useless..


today got account extra class,
actually i kinda feel don't wanna stay because not feeling well yet..
but i still tahan till 3pm take bus back alone..
in the bus, so full already but driver still want to fetch  so many people..
then i am at the place which don't have the button..
hmm.. how i stop the bus leh??
then when i wanna leave the bus, totally can't move.. 
but still have to move..
as a result, my whole hand become red and pain due to scratch..
when i reach home, mum ask me 
"i not said no need go school meh?"


just now when eating dinner, 
don't know why suddenly feel very not well, 
pain again and feel wanna vomit..
actually what happen to me?
no one cares about me also.. 
haiz.. 

15/8/11

last 2 days didn't update my blog, 

so now i come and update again..

erm..

last night was badminton match between LCW and LD,

i watch live on TV2, 

it was so nervous.. 

first round won by LCW with 22:20,

but second round won by LD with 21:14,

then when came to final, we all so nervous,

and hope for today's holiday..

because if today holiday, i no need to duty.. 

after they get 21:21, LD won with 23:21,

LCW loss the 2 marks is because of the net didn't support him..

haiz.. my holiday gone.. need to duty till 3pm, 

some more heard people said that today is a bad day for Monkeys,

especially after 3pm..

seriously, i kinda scare when 3pm i back home..

today early morning, 

i had returned him his tie, 

because upper 6 prefects already "retired",

so he won't need tie anymore, and also no need to worry if forget to bring.

so i put on his table early morning..

after assembly, they said RC members stay,

after stay a while, my classmates all went back class already, 

but i didn't follow them, i still stay at assembly field..

after that, i felt kinda regret, 

i should follow them back to class, but not stay at there...

because it made me so down... after saw what he done..

haiz.. can him cares about my feeling? ='(

hmm.. about the farewell............ i speechless.. 

they told me that there eh food not nice wor.. 

and also,

i go, might see something which i not suppose to see again.. 

haiz.. 

during recess time, 

YS asked me whether i got go prom night or not,

i don't know why i just straight answer her,

"i go for what? to see those thing which i not suppose to see?"

but after that, i feel guilty,

because the way i said seem not so good..

after i ate, i go and find SH and YN,

but don't know where they went already,

so i look around, 

and, it makes me feel so down again.. 

more down than morning.. 

i saw him and her sit on the chair together..

i felt regret again,

i should not go and find SH and YN, 

because if i didn't find them, 

if i stay at canteen with YS them, 

then i won't saw that scene.. 

i won't feel hurt and down.. 

for the whole 2 period of accounting,

i don't know why my whole mind full of that thing.. 

it made me can't focus on my study.. 

or if i blind then won't see, maybe will feel better?

tomorrow almost whole class go for the ceramah..

just left few of us stay at class only..

SH and YN also go that ceramah, 

then CY said maybe tomorrow she will be absent,

so, just me only??? haiz.. 

that ceramah is about study at other countries,

that time when they pass the name list to ask us tick if got interest,

i didn't tick because i know impossible i go other countries..

so tomorrow i will be stay in class only..

today monitor inform us that tomorrow economic test,

but since that just left few people, 

i think the test might be cancel..