10/8/11

today during account period, 
they ask him give us exam papers, 
but he said he want to see us one by one..
then they ask him let us know our marks, 
he said he uploaded..
after PA, which is 12:30pm,
many people went to see him to get it 
during the 15-20minutes that teacher gave us eh break time..
because 2 period of PA then tutorial PA again..
then YN and me just went to toilet since that already so many people went to see him..
the second floor's toilet full, so we went to first floor,
after that YN said she saw YP took so fast, so ask wanna go or not..
erm... ok lo..
then we went..
while waiting, i saw my marks already..
inside the teacher's room very cold, just few minutes, my hands started to cold..
many people pass, but, i fail..
i feel so sad..
although i already know i sure fail, but still feel sad..
i lost many marks because of didn't write out jalan kerja which question didn't ask for..
i really so down that time..
after we back to class, the others went also...
then teacher said left 1 more minute, 
those who late back to class will demerit..
then YN ask me want go ask them back or not,
then i feel don't want they demerit, 
so we both run down, at stairs i also run, until i nearly fall down..
just wanna ask them back so that won't kena demerit..
after that, we run back class again..
saw 1 classmate was crying, 
hmm.. i also wanna cry, but i won't be like her, 
i won't cry at school just because of result,
but i didn't guarantee i won't cry at home..
when on the way back to class,
my leg seem sprain, very pain so i hold my friend's arm, 
ask her to help to support me back to class..
but i felt so disappointed when she ignore me 
and just said left 1 minute nia, late liao, demerit...
then keep moving on without bother me..
i started to think that why i so kepo?
why want make myself like that?
no one will appreciate..
i am too kepo, so at the end just get disappointed and hurt my leg..
when i was back to class, i was trembling,
but who knows? myself only..
and i totally no mood during tutorial..
but tutorial just till about 1:05pm only,
because teacher ask us is it the whole second floor 
all classes blank and just our class got tutorial,
then we say yes,
i so surprise that she said will let us back home after giving the answer..
when waiting bus, i am alone and start to keep thinking again..
think more down more.. haiz..
after i reached home, 
mum keep calling me "bao bao",
but i no mood to bother.. feel so sorry to mum..
then i didn't eat although i felt hungry..
she ask me go eat, then i said i don't have appetite..
then i told her i fail my account..
she said that know already, because i told last week already..
then she ask me how many marks, so i just told her..
but then what she told me? she said that didn't get 0 marks can already..
i felt kinda funny with the way she answer me...


haiz.. argue again..
from the start, all plan nicely,
suddenly a small changes, 
all argue......
and don't know what to do..
haiz.. 
depend on people is like that eh lo.. 
who ask that we are so useless??
it's our own fault... 
we can't blame anyone..

9/8/11

dislike my shoes, 
hurt my legs whenever i walk.. 
so pain.. but what can do?


today when assembly, saw him at assembly field without tie..
he didn't duty already? 
hmm.. i keep telling myself don't see there anymore..
if not maybe will see something which i not suppose to see eh..


teacher gave us economic exam papers..
i think the marks still ok gua..
but because of the "juta", i lost 4 marks.. haiz..
but for the muet, i quite disappointed..
luckily i didn't retake muet test, if not will just waste another RM61 only..
why i say so? it is because in the whole class,
i have the second lowest marks..
haiz..
next is about PA, my bahagian B just get only 7/15.. 
because we never do this type eh, so luan luan write..
and this is the result luan luan write..
i feel sad about it too..


during recess time, saw him at canteen, with girl(s)..
well.. ok.. don't see...
control!!!
after bell rang, him with girl(s) walk together..
till the first floor the girl(s) back class..
.....


teacher write on whiteboard the answer for essay,
so i copy then they say they don't want copy,
they want take mine to photostat will do..
they so lazy lo.. right? luckily they got me lo.. haha..


teachers got meeting at the last period, 
so our class no teacher,
because of monday to thursday last period also is PA,
but she wont' let us back early everytime when she got meeting..
today also same,
but got some of them cabut lari liao..
me? won't la.. i am a good student lai eh mah..
and some more 1:30pm got ah sam class wor..
hmm.. they all don't want to go..
left me.. haiz.. everytime also like that.. 
never mind la.. used to it..


when first step in dewan kuliah, feel so comfortable, because it's cool..
but slowly, i felt getting cold..
cold till my hands become ice again..
haiz.. 
why i so easy to feel cold?
how good if i not scare cold..
and once cold, my legs start to pain again.. 
today also 3pm back alone.. haiz..
how about tomorrow?
1:40pm? maybe lo.. 
but if got people willing to accompany me stay at school to study together,
then better lo.. late pun never mind..
but don't have eh gua.. i think.. hmm..


when at school, when i put my book, 
my finger was under my book, then know what happen le gua..
i put it with so big force..
and so pain lo.. 
hmm.. 
but it's normal to me already lo..
sometimes is my file..
more gai...
then afternoon when i eating, 
don't know why i bite tiok my finger..
soooooo pain.. i never know that i will bite tiok my own finger eh..
some more bite with big force..
haiz... maybe as SH said, i am always careless eh..
need people take care mah.. haiyo.. 


hmm...
whenever i think tiok him and her, i will feel hurt...
and down..
how to not feel that? people will ask me don't think will do,
but, is that so easy?
hmm, say of course easy, but i can't control my brain eh..
if can control it like i control my computer, 
i sure will delete it, and then empty the recycle bin,
so that i won't think about it anymore, then mah won't hurt lo..
but unfortunately my brain not computer so easy to control..
haiz..


i feel that as time move on, become no people understand me anymore..
i feel that whenever i feel sad or down, 
there is no one for me to speak to..
even i speak out, they will just simply comfort, 
because they don't understand how i feel..
but sometimes i think, 
is that really become no people for me to speak to?
or is because i feel that they not suit anymore?
i don't know..
just feel like no people are there for me anymore..
when i need somebody, there is no one..
although many people around me, 
but who really willing to be there for me?
recently i feel more tired, not physically, but mentally..
because i can pretend happy in front of friends although i am not..
i success...
yesterday i was down, but today i ask SH that do her feel it?
she said no..
she can judge people well..
that is what i admit..
because she told me something before but i don't care,
but what she said is really true.. 
when it happen, i believe.. 
i am so tired, tired to be a fake of me, 
but then there is no one who understand me, cares me,
i don't know i still can bear how long time..
i am weak but just pretend to be strong..
i am tired...

continue 8/8/11

我还想着今天为什么他缺席。。
想要发信息问他，
但不知道要怎样问。。
问了又能怎样？
放学看到他，证明他没事就可以了。。
那就可以放心了啊。。
但我还是问了他班的。。
知道是怎么一回事了。。
嗯。。好吧。。


想起了一些事。。觉得很hurt。。
但又能怎样呢？
摸摸自己的心，告诉自己，没事的。。
这只是暂时的。。
嗯。。
真的只是暂时的吗？
如果是的话，
那为什么我却痛了那么久？


让我忘了吧！！！！！！！！！！！！

8/8/11

last night i was so scare and afraid..
why?
because at night, once i finish brushed tooth, 
i came out from toilet then i look at the TV,
i don't know that it was playing about ghost movie's advertisement..
so when i straight look at TV, it shows a female ghost..
made me so scare..
once i feel scare, i will feel like wanna sms people,
let people comfort me and sayang me..
but i didn't do that at last,
because no one is there for me to do so..


today morning same as last few days, no lights..
so when i waiting bus, there is so dark..
actually quite scare...
but what to do wor? 


after i reached school, don't know why just feel like wanna wait to see him reach.. 
so after i put my bag in class, i stand outside to wait..
hmm.. as time pass by, i still didn't see he drive come..
i wait till 7am, still didn't see..
i think maybe he will be absent today..


hmm.. i don't like my shorty hair... 
i feel that it's too short dy.. =(
today takes photo, all upper 6..
all stand at ground floor, first and second floor..
but the time was 9 something, so hot and the sunlight so bright, 
we have to see the angle of sunlight, it makes all people's eyes become so small..


today recess time, let me heard tiok something about prom night..
heard that their whole class also got partner..
so.. him.. also got right? hmm.. sure eh la..
why i still ask this question leh? since that i know the answer..
and who is that? i think i guess tiok.. 
it makes me so down.. 
why want let me heard that?
why want let me know that?
and i really feel very scare.. 
i hope when people upload photos about prom night will block me from see it..
don't let me to see it.. sure will very very very hurt..


today teacher let us know MUET's objective we correct how many questions..
and i feel disappointed because i am the one who has second lowest mark.. 
then maths marks, hmm.. i satisfy.. 
then about PA, i very worry i will fail..
so when teacher give us objective paper one by one,
i very scare..
i counted it, we must get 18 marks to pass..
then SH get ngam ngam 18 correct..
i told her impossible i will get more than her, 
because i not really know how to do, i just agak nia, not confident will correct..
then she said maybe i can get more than her, 
i said if i get more than her then let her hit me..
then when i take my paper, i was so surprise that i correct 1 more than her..
so let her hit me lo.. 
hmm.. today's result is ok, but the other day............
especially my account....... i feel so regret that didn't write out as i know how to do..
my account sure fail.. 


after school, still got duty..
so as usual i go toilet first..
then use near his class's stairs to go down..
when i pass by, suddenly saw him, in his car...
hmm.. who is the person he wait for?
it makes me think of last time he came after school just to back with me..
but now, who is the lucky girl?
after i put bag in library, so less librarian there, 
so i do a bit thing then go down.. 
when i came down, i saw her pass by..
when i wanna walk to canteen there, i saw him drive away..
hmm.. is it he ......... her, then she .........., so he ...........?
right? 
hmm.. she is the lucky girl?? maybe.. 


today when duty, don't why my hands hurt..
don't know is it sprain, but just feel very pain..
because i carry too much books?
or because i too force to push the whole row of books just to arrange it tidy?
i don't know.. just pain..


i ask president when can us "retire",
he said do till before holidays..
haiz.. we are the last one to retire excluded monitors..
and they say steamboat as farewell during holidays..
but how i go?? no people fetch me.. some more steamboat sure at night eh..


in library, WC and YS was study..
then i saw WC's jacket was on YS's body, i feel so sweet of them..
and i think of him again.. haiz..
i feel jealous also, but the thing that i jealous is got people care,
but not jealous about the person..
don't know in future my bf will treat me that way or not 
because i scare cold and also easy feel cold..


about 2 something, suddenly rain heavily..
i was so worry and scare.. because rain so heavy and lightning, thunder..
i am at school but also expose to raindrop.. 
my hair kinda wet.. 
but why, rain so heavily, the person i first think of is not my mum,
but is him..
why why why???
i think him for what?? 
i know he is not my bf, hmm.. i know..
he also won't cares about me..
but just why???
and i was thinking how i going to back home..
because of puasa, school dismiss earlier,
so we duty till 3pm but not 3:30pm..
those who got people fetch eh really xing fu because they no need to scare and worry..


when in the bus, the few indian girls keep playing in the bus,
langgar me, push me, step on my leg, what else??
not only one times...
is it i look so nice to be bully? ='(
i don't know how to protect myself and no people to protect me,
so, then, just continue bully me la..


don't know why today seem like my whole body pain..
hands, legs, kidney, waist, stomach...... and also heart..

yeah!!!

yeah!!! happy happy..
hehe.. know something..
makes me feel so happy..
last night down for what wor.. 
just i think wrong only.. 
YEAH!! ^^v
hehe.. ok la.. it's time to bed liao..
nite nite o..
^3^

7/8/11

last whole night can't sleep tight again.. 

woke so many times...

every single time i woke, i see my phone, 

although know won't have message,

but don't know why yesterday and night i so hope about it..

but whenever i see my phone, i felt disappointed.. 

because has nothing..

hmm.. what am i waiting for? waiting for a thing that will never happen?

hmm.. i should know that it is what i will get..

yesterday my sis go pacific wanna exchange for milo's van..

but fail because other people change till finished already..

then today, 

early morning,

sis fetch mum go there just wanna to exchange..

so bro and me don't have breakfast..

but then again, many people wait to get it and they fail to get..

haiz.. i want......... where else can get it? saw my friend get so many..

her dad go seberang prai to get it for her..

and she say maybe tesco...

so far wor.. can't go there ler...

but i want it....... haizzz.. =(

i cut hair again.. 

hmm.. now i own shorty hair.. 

seem a bit like tomboy.. 

but of course i am not la.. haha..

i am just look like only..

my heart is still a girl.. 

a weak girl which need people to protect..

or just cut botak then go to temple to be a nun?

hmm.. good idea also.. so far no people want me mah..

maybe in the future also won't have? maybe lo..

hmm.. ok la.. be a nun also good mah.. won't hurt by any boy..

mum told me that when my hair longer, i look mature, 

and said that i look cute with short hair..

hmm.. mum always say that kind of thing to make me happy eh.. 

but i know i am not la.. 

today lunch is cooked by bro.. 

because mum and sis not at home..

hmm.. he cook very nice.. love it so much..

my friends jealous that i have this bro.. haha..

they say he very sayang me wor.. got meh??

hmm.. don't know.. maybe no, maybe got.. 

now, don't know why suddenly feel wanna eat something..

but nothing for me to eat wor.. haiz..

so hope that tomorrow teacher will say that upper 6 librarians no need to duty anymore..

but i think won't so fast gua..

she likes to torturing librarians eh..

every people say she is good,

but all librarians will say she is worse than before eh library teacher..

i scare my result.. i don't want to get it..

because i know account sure fail, PA maybe fail, then the rest don't know..

next month exam again.. 

but once i back home, i can't study..

yup, i can't study at home.. 

because at home got a thing which call as computer..

and then got a website known as facebook..

AAAHHHHH.. 

how how how???

sometimes feel like don't wanna back home so early, 

because at home can't study..

but no people accompany me stay at school study..

erm.. actually YS got stay, but she with her bf eh, 

i don't want to be light bulb la.. 

and some more also no people accompany me back home so late..

although even back early i will also back alone,

but if so late back alone, i will feel scare and worry..

but don't know what i scare of.. just a kind of feeling..

sometimes wanna do maths, but how to solve it?

when don't know how to solve, then feel don't want to do already..

Ooopppss.. i still owe SH and YN the answer..

they ask me do then borrow them..

but i just can do chapter 1 and 2 only..

and not all i can do.. just some.. how wor.. haiz.. 

if i am clever then good lo.. but why i so stupid leh?

this words can't let they know.. 

because they won't believe, 

they keep say i clever than them, 

because they look at exam results..

well.. what i want to say, just, i am not clever..

everytime i get better result than them does not mean i clever..

because normally i can get good result in school exam, 

but when the government exam, i will get a bad result..

as SPM, my teacher also not satisfy with my result, 

she think i can get better..

but actually i get that result, i never believe that i can get eh..

maybe because school result ok, so all people thought that i am clever..

but in fact, i am not..

hmm.. why i keep say about this thing? 

they don't believe then never mind la.. 

why i care so much wor..?

i kinda worry about my health..

recently hands so easy to wrinkle..

brush tooth a while also will like that...

what happen actually??

hmm.. now listening to my favourite song which ever made me cry..

oh ya.. hmm.. that day morning, when take shirt wanna wear,

randomly take,

then after that i realise that, the shirt i ever wear when hang out with him..

and he said to me i wear that shirt look so cute.. 

haiz.. 

last week i made many dreams, and all about him..

i didn't write it, because the next day was exam day, so i choose to skip..

don't know why my hand pain from morning till now..

what happen?

dear hand, can u please stop pain?

u pain i also pain ler.. 

hmm.. temporary nothing to write liao gua..

hope tonight won't be down.. 

6/8/11

今天是七夕情人节，

有情人的，应该都去约会吧？

而我呢？

今天早上起来，就去学校上课。。

后来就一个人回家。。

回家后就上网，吃饭，睡觉，看hitman reborn。。

生活很乏味。。

又是普普通通的一天。。没什么特别。。

虽然今天是七夕情人节，

但我很讨厌！

现在我讨厌每个情人的节日。。

这会让我很痛苦。。

在facebook，知道了他去看戏。。

至于和谁呢？我不知道。。

我希望自己不要去想。。

我希望我不会知道。。

我希望我不会看到。。

没关系。。都熬到晚上了。。

再过几个小时就没事了。。

但明天还是看到知道的话呢？

嗯，没关系。。

最多，也只不过是心痛、伤心、没胃口、哭、不舒服，

就这样而已。。真的没什么嘛。。

都习惯了。。。

昨晚发了一个梦，

我梦到我的account，那分数，老师有算给我，我很开心。。

但醒来后，接受现实。。

因为，每次我做的梦都不会实现。。

就像以前我曾梦见和他做了一件很甜蜜的事，

但还没有，他就离开了。。

所以每当我梦到好的东西时，代表不好的就要发生了。。

最近这几天，不懂为什么，

我的手一碰到水，一下子就皱了。。

妈妈说我要不舒服了。。

下午冲凉出来，就哈湫。。。

现在，肚子好痛。。怎么办。。。。 ='(

5/8/11

i don't know how to start...

hmm.. let's talk about exam again..

today was our last paper.. which was muet..

can see clearly no one care about muet..

i think just not more than 5 people study niah..

then the rest was chatting..

after exam was ah sam period, so we arrange back our tables and chairs..

feel kinda curious because normally he won't let us do that eh..

last time even we got exam, he still want to teach..

but today he didn't.. but just talk a lot of craps..

then say about our test.. and it makes me so down..

because i losing maximum 20 marks although i know how to do eh..

and think about PA, the most important subject,

this time don't know will pass or not, because objective so hard,

and bahagian B i done in wrong format.. whole..

hmm.. tomorrow extra class again.. 

i think the same thing will happen,

which is morning take bus alone go school,

then learn alone, 

then take bus back home alone..

haiz..

SH said that she dream tiok she saw my blog..

hmm.. i won't give her my link eh..

because if she see tiok what i write, she sure will kill me..

because she hate me for being down..

so recently, i learnt that will still pretend happy although heart is bleeding..

for what i saw during recess time, i hope i can forget it..

during this exam week, i should thanks to him, 

why? because he didn't update his blog..

although everyday i sure will see his blog for many times, 

but everytime when i open it, i feel very scare..

i scare will see that he write about girls.... especially her, and her..

it sure will makes me feel down and sad, although i always tell myself don't..

until yesterday, i saw on facebook, and know that they went out..

watch movie and see dress..

hmm.. saw their comments, it makes me feel hurt..

just now, after i finish my dinner, i open his blog again..

and saw what he wrote.. 

luckily i saw it after i ate but not before.. 

because if i see it before i eat, i sure will no appetite to eat anymore..

whenever i feel hurt, i will don't want to eat..

they sit together in cinema... 

hmm.. the last time i went cinema was 1/12/10 which was with him..

after that, i never go cinema anymore..

it is because i sure will think about him..

that we were sit at couple seat and he was hugging me for the whole movie playing..

he some more said about next time..

but after that, no more next time..

don't know when he was in cinema, will him think of me?

i think he won't.. because he forgot all sweet memory with me..

and also won't think of me eh because the person he loves and cares is not me..

hmm.. him and her so close... till he can wanna do that to her...

normally only bf will do that for gf..

but him.....?

their relation.....?

hmm..

think of last time he said to me want i be his partner,

think of he said accompany me go see ...................

but actually he won't anymore..

not because i didn't go, is because even i got go, he won't also..

my sis ask me go to take part, i ask her sponsor me hor?

she say ok ah..

but i also didn't take part..

because i scare if i go, 

i will still think of the words that he said to me but won't do..

and i don't wanna see how sweet he treat girls, either her, or her.. 

but now what i scare of is, i scare i will see all that on facebook..

they sure will upload photos, or write something..

i scare.. how to prevent me from seeing that besides don't login facebook?

why till now i still remember what he said?

it just suffer me..

STUPID KEAT HONG!

IDIOT KEAT HONG!

when will u stop care him? 

when will u stop love him?

when will u won't feel hurt?

already more than half year..

half year sweet, with more than half year and forever pain and hurt..

it should be fair with half year.. but why i still ........?

send u to hell if u still keep thinking!

hmm.. then... better straight send me go la..

but before say bye, allow me to say something..

hmm...

will him hate me if i say it? hmm.. won't gua.. 

i not straight tell him eh.. i just syok sendiri nia..

but even he hate, also never mind already la..

what i still hoping and wishing for?

no matter he hate me or not, also won't change back anything le..

so never mind la.. 

i really feel wanna send him good morning and good night everyday..

but i kinda scare he won't reply, 

because last month,

he didn't reply my good night and good morning dy..

and he also won't find me to chat anymore.. 

he find any people but also won't be me..

tomorrow is chinese valentine, who will with me?

no.... no one.. haiz.. 

hmm.. ok la...

I LOVE U.. Muack.

good night.. BYE

4/8/11

yesterday maths got 1 question made me feel happy..
it was because that question we solved it before..
during mid-year holidays, arts 5's maths extra class..
when solving that question at that time, 
we all so blur, and sir also came to see how we solve it and teach us..
i still remember that time although doing maths, but i still sms with him..


yesterday was birthday of one of the culprit, LS.
they didn't prepare cake to celebrate,
but they do something else...
guess what? 
hmm.. i think no people will guess tiok eh..
let me tell la.. it's 8 eggs.. wahahaha..funny right?
some more is use the thing that 
when people buy 30 eggs in a time then it protect eggs eh to put the 8 eggs..
n use a orange colour card to write "生日快乐，快高长大"..
feel so funny.. haha.. 


today's exam, really cham liao..
economic objective so hard, and essay i don't know how to write..
PA, bahagian B, i done wrong already.. 
i never see this type of question, and never do, 
today was first time, so i do wrong all..
15 marks gone.. i quite scare i will fail my PA... haiz..


today kinda cold.. 
sometimes still feel very cold although i wear jacket..
my class with those people really very noisy..
how to study???
i really feel want to escape to other place that very quiet..
but where???


morning i wake at 5am, 
because i not yet study finish, 
although i set alarm 5am, but whole night can't sleep tight..
about 4 something, already waiting reaching of 5am..
although wake earlier 40 minutes compare to normal day,
but it still disappointed me after exam..


well... now at night,
i feel down, hurt, sad, what else? hmm..
and keep repeating a sad song some more..
why let me saw those things? why let me know about those things?
feel very hurt to saw that..
when i was missing him, he was with girls...
he won't know.. and won't think about me.. i know..
i think he will be very happy today..
with them.. but not me..
hmm.................................
IDIOT KEAT HONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what are u thinking about????!!!!!!!
don't think don't think don't think anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
u think, u hurt, u sad, also no one bother u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
including HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if he cares u, then he won't leaves u.!!
he left u alone, means he no longer cares about u!!!!!!!!!
why are u so stupid???
u miss him, then feel sad, feel hurt, for what??
he knows? NOPE.
even he knows, he will comfort u? NOPE.
he will give u a hug? NOPE.
he will rub off ur tears? NOPE.
he will borrow u shoulder? NOPE.
he will ignore? YUP.
yes, all of this u know, but why suffer yourself like this?
stop suffer yourself like this..
because he won't cares..
don't cry, don't cry, don't........cry..
 just now mum ask me go in room, 
help her to threading, pass the thread into the hole on needle..
while i holding the needle,
i was thinking about what will i feel if this needle sting on my hand with big force?
suddenly feel want to use it to sting on my hand with big force..
what will feel? pain?
will it pain than my heart? i think won't..
hmm.. i got problem?
i hope so.. i hope i am mad, i am crazy,
mad people won't feel hurt, they will just live happily, without any sad things..
hmm.. i love this song so much.. i listen for about 1 hour already.. just repeating..
maybe because of it's melody and rhythm suit my mood now.. 
well.. Keat Hong, guai, 
listen to me, stop crying.. 
and give a smile..
Ng, =)
guai..
i am going to hell.. bye...

all about 3/8/11

recently although many things happen, 
and many things i want to write, 
but i just can't do it, 
because i write blog will use a veryyyy long time.. 
so i just write out what memorable.. 


hmm.. say about last night..
last night, i cried, 
because of account..
i think this was first time..
don't know why when teacher collecting papers, i felt wanna cry,
and when saw the answer, tears gathered in eyes,
after that i tried to study maths but once again my tears gathered in eyes again..
finally at night, i went to find mum on her bed, 
i hug a pillow, and with her hug,
i cried out silently..
because i don't want she know that i cry..
after i cried, felt better a bit.. 


today's maths, paper 2 i studied at this morning only..
paper 1, differentiation and integration i didn't see,
then chapter 3,5,6 i also don't know eh..
so when exam, 2 integration' questions i left it blank...


morning i reach school early, 
i go to his class and paste the picture that i used my study time to draw eh on his table.
i don't know what feeling will him have when see it,
and also don't know what will he do on it,
keep it? throw it? don't know.. but just hope he will keep it..
but i promise myself not to think about what will him do..
as long as i done what i want..
but sometimes will still think about it.. 
afternoon, he send me msg to thanks me..
i want to reply but don't know how to reply him..
scare will get a cool reply..
so till now, i didn't reply him.. haiz..
eh.. hold on..
how he know and sure is me?
i didn't write me name wor.. 


oh no.. i spend about 15 minutes to write this.. 
my economic not yet finish, 
my PA not yet touch..
how how?????
i scare my PA will fail because no time to touch already..
haiz.. 
ok la.. end up at here.. 

need a hug

today was my first day ujian 2,
first paper was account..
while i am answering, i don't know how to do..
but then the question 2 part (a) i know how to do..
and i waste a lot of time to solve it..
all the jalan kerja i write it ad draf only,
because i scare not enough time,
and the question didn't ask to show jalan kerja,
so i just write out the thing that question ask for.. 
when i imbang it, i felt happy..
that was about 7 marks, times 2, is 14 marks..
then another 3 marks's question, i not sure..
but when at home, i saw the answer as teacher uploaded,
suddenly i felt like want to jump from a high building..
all the marks given was in jalan kerja.. 
the thing that i wrote out just get 1 mark..
and about the 3 marks' thing,
i got wrote it out in draf also..
i so hate myself why didn't write it in my answer paper.. 
total up about nearly 10 marks..
times 2, it's 20 marks..
actually i can get 30marks plus plus,
or maybe can pass also.. 
but then, i lost the 20 marks.. 
this is the first time i feel like wanna cry when teacher collecting paper..
and this is the first time i felt so sad till my tears in my eyes nearly comes out..
just because of account..
now, i know i should not think about it anymore and must focus on maths,
but i totally no mood to study anymore..
what i need now is, 
i need someone to console me, comfort me, 
or lend me his/her shoulder, 
or the best is give me a warm hug.. 
i hate myself for know how to do but didn't write it out and cause losing 20 marks....
I HATE MYSELF
and
I NEED A HUG ='(